Change Name, Transfer Schools

I've always been scared of college professors when they get mad. They just seem so exponentially smarter than me, it would be cake for them to extract godless retribution upon my worthless self. But fortunately, the worst I've ever done was not turn in a paper on time. Imagine, then, if you were a misguided student thinking him or herself particularly clever by stealing your professor's laptop--thinking to steal upcoming test material--and then finding out that that professor is actually an advisor for the C.I.A.. It means your life is over. Period.